Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
