oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
