so explain again why im purple
no
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
