Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
