Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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