Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
God, I missed his penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize