you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
