Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
