I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
