Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
