dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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