I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
smell my finger.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
