i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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