I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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