Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
