His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
