Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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