Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
