Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize