i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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