this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
