Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
