so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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