I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
