Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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