He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone came in the potted fern
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
