I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
