Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
