we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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