it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize