I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Girls should come with a carfax report
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
