I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
