I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I need a burrito and a hug.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
