Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
zippers are such a cool invention
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
