My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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