I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
