soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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