FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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