When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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