Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
