He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
