yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
