Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize