Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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