I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
