the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
