Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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