Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
