i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
