so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
a search helicopter?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
