That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
