Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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