If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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