Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
