Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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