well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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