My friends, they love my intelligence
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
