Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her vagine was all disorganized.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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