I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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