ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You can't just leave with hair like that
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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