he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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