Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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