I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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