just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
