I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize