Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
