If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
