im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
