Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
