is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
