i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
