hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
