I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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